Never Truly Gone
by ChocolateIsMyDoom
Summary: Set a year after DoD."No matter how much he wanted to move on, to just, patch up his wounds, and mourn her but still be happy, he couldn't. Natalie had been a part of him. They had always been together."[...]"'You don't know what it is to lose someone you love'" Amy visits Ian,only to find a broken,lost,version of him. Amian In which grief brings a love story to happen.


**So, this is my first time writing 39 clues. As most of you, I hated Day of Doom. And I hated the deaths, Jamy, and all that. Here's a fic to make you cry :)**

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Amber eyes, so _alive_ in the picture.

Ian held a photo of his sister. Natalie Kabra was about twelve in the picture, her hair perfectly brushed, her eyes looking at the camera, her smile smug, her arm over a white statue she was leaning into.

She looked so beautiful.

The first sign of the tears came, and Ian felt his heart shrinking, his face becoming a somber mask of grief, his eyes become lifeless.

No matter how much he wanted to move on, to just, patch up his wounds, and mourn her but still be happy, he couldn't. Natalie had been a part of one being. They had always been together.

And to be reunited with after her kidnapping, only to lose her so quickly.

And, more reason to be angry, to the most stupid of ways.

Hadn't her Lucian training taught her anything? Metal was a conductor. Natalie should have known that. She wasn't stupid.

_Maybe she had changed more than I thought, forgot everything, ruled by stress and misery and pain_, he thought.

This didn't help at all.

Sobs started shaking his body, and Ian cried. He was heartbroken in the worst of ways. Because Natalie wasn't his girlfriend, and, if she had been, he could get a new one, after closure and grieving. No, Natalie had been his sister, a part of him, his only family in the world, his ally, his lifeline.

Only Vikran, his father, was alive.

Ian curled into a ball and sobbed on the bed.

After what seemed like hours, the door opened.

Ian tensed, cleaning his face and wiping his tears, standing and trying to look less broken than the reality.

Amy Cahill stood, her hand still on the door, the keys Ian himself had given her in case of a emergency in her other hand, her nails painted a pastel green.

He cracked a smile. He liked Amy, she cheered him up.

"Hello, Amy. How are you doing?"

Amy seemed startled. She stared at him as if afraid. She quietly closed the door and put the keys in her pocket. "Hi, Ian. How…How are you doing?"

"I'm perfectly fine, love." She didn't say anything.

Then he noticed her eyes landing on his chest.

Ian started to blush. He had had a crush on Amy some time ago, and traces of it were still there. Then he realized she was staring because his shirt was stained with tears.

"Water," he said, then cursed himself. You didn't have to give an explanation! "Our –My kitchen is working funny."

Our.

It had slipped. Because he had used it so many times, and he regretted it, because Amy's green eyes seemed to melt in that beautiful way they did, and her mouth turned into a sad smile. She took a step toward him, and he took a step back.

"How's Jake?" asked Ian, trying to change the subject.

Amy seemed surprised. Her eyes lit up. She seemed so happy. Ian's heart sunk.

"He's amazing. He's been so supportive and all that –" she stopped "Yeah. And all that."

Ian sensed there was trouble, but not enough for them to actually drift apart. He decided to make Amy comfortable. After all, it would be better if they could have a normal conversation.

"How are you holding up?" Ian asked, shy.

Amy's face darkened. Evan. It was something the girl wasn't over yet. He had heard her sobs while traveling in the same car back to the US. Jake had heard her too, but he insisted on letting her mourn. Ian just wanted to hug her and make all the hurt go away, especially because he felt it too.

_Natalie_.

"I'm okay," the Madrigal said at last, her face guarded "Better than I was before."

Ian nodded. He guessed so.

"Now _you _have to tell me how _you_'re holding up."

Ian thought it was fair. She had answered. "Well, better than the day it happened."

Amy looked genuinely worried about him, and Ian sat down on the bed. When he saw her gaze landing on the tear-stained bedspread, he cursed himself again.

"Ian, I know I haven't…been with you recently." She said, her voice worried.

Ian just nodded.

"And…I know you've been dealing with a lot of crap."

Again, Ian nodded.

"But you can't count on me. I…I thought we could tell each other our worries. Thought we were…friends."

The word stung. But not as much as what she meant. She wanted him to babble about how sad he was about Natalie's death.

Ian stood up from the bed fast, and turned away from her "Please, leave."

He could hear Amy walking towards him "Ian, please –"

"Leave."

Now Amy's voice was angry "You think I don't know how horrible it is to lose someone you care about deeply?"

He turned around, faced her, and glared "No, I don't think you know at all." He laughed bitterly, "You have found someone you _love_, someone you think can make the world light up, someone who you want to spend every moment with, all after Evan's death" she winced "And I don't think you don't miss him. _Of course_, you do. But it's not the same as losing a part of yourself, your _sister_, and having _nobody at all_ care enough to come until it's a _year after_. It's not the same! Haven't you seen Sinead, Ted and Ned! Are they an example of the difference between romance and a bond as strong as a brother and a sister have! Haven't you felt absolute misery for fear of your brother's live!"

Amy looked ashamed of herself. She looked at the floor.

Ian was crying. He sat on the bed, his face in his hands, wiping the tears away.

"You don't know what it is to lose someone you love!"

"There are other ways someone can die to us than death," Amy said quietly.

He blinked, surprised.

"What –?"

And her lips were on his.

She was soft, gentle, but passionate. She was burning to his touch, her heart beating so fast Ian could hear it. Her red hair blinded him.

For a second, Ian rejoiced in Amy's kiss. He welcomed it. He accepted her love. He kissed her back with such force he heard her gasp into his lips.

But then he remembered Jake.

He pulled away, his cheeks hot. He walked away from her, furious.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

Amy was still sitting on his bed, her hands folded on her lap, her cheeks as red as his. " I love you"

It wasn't cheesy, or sappy, or anything Ian could imagine that sentence being. It was a truth. It was a guilty pleasure. She was ashamed of her feelings, Ian sensed. She was ashamed of herself.

"Well," Ian said "What about Jake?"

Pain flashed across Amy's face, her features hardening. "I like him. A lot. But…I don't know. He's just…too normal. I… I've survived the 39 clues, the vespers uprising and doomsday, I can't leave a life with a normal guy. I…I need a Cahill."

Ian was amazed. And yet, the joy in the discovery did nothing to lessen the pain of Natalie's passing.

"I'm not kissing you, touching you, talking to you or even stand near you, if you keep saying these things and not break up with him. However much I…enjoyed that kiss, Jake Rosebloom is a noble guy. He deserves no cheating in his relationship, at least."

Amy laughed "This is why I love you!" she shouted, standing up, eyes bright, "You're a great guy! You're amazing. You…you think and pretend you're a jerk, but you're not. I love you because of you. Because even though I'm with Jake and I'm kissing him all I can hear is you talking and commenting on everything I do. I just…I tried to imagine myself with Jake but I can't! How can you…if you enjoyed that kiss…think of Jake with such nobility?"

Ian swallowed "He saved people I cared about."

Amy was confused "Natalie's dead, Ian." She said, worrying about him.

The boy smiled "There are other ways someone can be saved than by giving the blessing of live."

Amy smiled too.

…

It had been a week since then, and he had heard nothing of Amy.

He stood on his apartment, Natalie's photo still in his pocket, his smug smile never changing, Ian had memorized the trace of her mouth, her eyes, the way she leaned into the statue.

She was his beautiful sister. So little, and yet so very much dead.

Gone.

For a second, Ian imagined a Natalie who had survived, a year older. His age when he had entered the clues…

_Natalie's hair flowed in the wind the window brought to their tiny apartment._

"_You know, we should _really_ work on having more money," she said, annoyed "I can't stand to be poor so much time."_

_Ian laughed, ruffling his sister's hair "Ian! That was two hours of work!" she squeaked "You are so annoying!"_

_Ian sat beside her, "Well, Natalie, have you been thinking about Dan lately?"_

_Natalie blushed. Two years ago, when everything had been fine, she had confessed a tiny crush on Dan Cahill. Ian still hadn't let it go "I told you! It was a stupid, hour lasting crush! I like Matthew Gillison now! He's a gentleman, not like that Madrigal joker!"_

_But Ian saw past her rage, and understood Natalie could never be happy without a Cahill as her husband. Too many secrets, too many risks, too many pain._

_He smiled and listened to her rant about how horrible the city air was to the skin, when the door opened._

_Amy stood there, a smile on her face "Ian!"_

_She jumped to Ian's arms, a smile on her face, while Natalie rolled her eyes "Seriously?"_

_Ian kissed Amy, and she just blushed "Sinead is waiting in the car."_

"_Do you want to come to the movies, Natalie?"_

_Natalie shrugged, but he could see the excitement in her eyes. She wanted to go with him._

"_Ian?"_

Amy's worried voice brought him back to the present. He blinked, and found himself on the floor, his legs heavy.

"What…?"

"I think you fainted," Amy's voice was full of tears, and Ian remembered the euphoric Amy he had made up.

Tears began to roll down his cheeks at the thought of Natalie.

He sobbed and hugged Amy, his resistance gone. He wanted to sob, to cry, to mourn.

And now he had someone to help him pick the pieces of himself after he was done breaking.

…

Amy looked at him with crystal eyes "You…You made up a fourteen year old Natalie?"

He nodded, his amber eyes dry "Yes, and a you."

Amy nodded "You know she loved you. And she wanted you to be happy."

"I do"

It's still not enough. Six months of therapy can't cure a life- long curse.

…

Jake went to visit him once, in his apartment.

Ian was alone, just reading a book, when he noticed him.

"Hi," says Jake, and his voice is soft, warm, welcoming.

_He's forgiving me_, Ian realized.

He closed the book with a _thud_, and said "Hi,"

Jake stares at the floor "Is she happy?"

Ian nodded "I just wish I could be happier for her."  
Jake nodded. They shook hands, and he left.

Ian continued reading the book. _The NeverEnding Story_.

…

Finally, after three years, he could smile again.

As he stood in front of his sister's grave, there were no tears, no sobs, no break downs. Just a sad smile, a flower in his hand.

Amy smiled, radiant with happiness, "You've done it. She'd be proud."

Ian kissed Amy, passion and love between them, the flower slipping out of his fingers and into the grave.

When she pulled away, Ian said "She'd be proud of you."

Amy just took Ian's hand.

They stood there, all day, with sunshine in their faces and grief behind them. Or, at least, a bit less close than before.

…

She watches him struggle, she watches him deals with his demons, she watches him call out her name. And she smiles sadly, her beautiful smug smile gone.

Her mother takes her hand, and they both watch, together in the land of the dead, as Amy Cahill patches up the most important person in the world to them.

After all, Natalie Kabra will never be truly gone.

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**I hope you enjoyed it! Did you noticed the Beautiful Creatures Movie mentions? ;)**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Reivew, Favorite, Follow, whatever you want, do nothing at all.**

**-ChocolateIsMyDoom**


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